Diary Entry ⋆⭒˚.⋆ "The Hermit Reversed and the Two of Swords"

  ִֶָ 𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆★⋆  ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃 ִֶָ

 It's all in the cards

    The Hermit reversed as I sit inside a Dennys at 1am reading a friends cards. The turn goes to me to learn more about myself. No more disappearing. I shouldn't do that anymore. Epic changes does not always happen behind the scenes. This season calls on me to walk back into connection with others, the universe and most importantly myself. I don't have to have it all figured out to show up. Although it makes me feel stupid. Maybe that feeling in itself is stupid. Its vulnerable. Vulnerable to let yourself be seen. To not always learn in the dark but to share in that experience. Tenderness is the gift. My presence is part of the healing. 

    The friend I am reading for constantly gets two of swords. Like in every reading. Meaning a difficult choice and avoidance of the consequences of said choice. Feeling at a standstill maybe. Feeling lack of control perhaps. With whatever choice he makes he lacks the agency. I had the cheesecake and a cup of iced tea, he had the country fried steak with fries he so generously shared.

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Explore My Digital Camera Roll ₊✩‧₊

Design by Isabel Mercado

Diary Entry˚⟡˖ "Still Figuring It Out"

     I've never really paused my life for anyone or anything. When I think about it I'm not sure that's a good thing. These past two weeks I've been forced to slow down. Which has been very nice, i've taken better care of myself and my body. I'm not invincible or so I learned. I love my life and the things i've built because i've done them on my own. Everything is mine to hold. However I can't pin point where I stopped doing certain things. Perhaps its my enviroment, sign of the times or how life is suppose to be once you get older. There was a time period where I did whatever, whenever purely for the sake of it. Now I'm not going to idealize that time in my life as I was impulsive, emotionally volatile, and craving for something to give me structure. I chose whatever option on the table caused me the most stress and chaos. I now have things I want to do, see and experience. I think i've always known side quest have been important to me. However in these moments they carry a greater weight than something silly. These two weeks off the main quest (main quest being becoming the best techincian I can be, learning about automotive repair and saving for a home one day) has been anxiety filling and also eye opening. Don't get me wrong I love working and my job, I think more than others honestly. Sometimes it feels like I am the only one with a semi positive attitude and general optimism. I also think its funny that I was told "that will go away with time" and it still hasn't. I think that's just my personality which is fun to learn. However I've been resting and small time side questing. Free will is amazing and I gotta use it more often. I'm so beyond excited to get back into the shop I miss everyone. I miss it no matter how mad or pissed off I get at like the regular "man fuck this job" situations. With this new found excitement and priority for the side quest I plan to give my life more balance. As worth it and as much as I know the main quest calls me I think I have the rest of my life to figure it out. Time is on my side. 

⋆｡‧˚♡˚‧⋆Welcome to My World⋆‧˚♡˚‧｡⋆

 Introduction:

My Name is Isabel but everyone just calls me Izzy. This is my lil website/blog/diary. I'm sick of traditional social media and how restrictive it can be. I made this to express myself and yap however much my lil heart desires. Some quick facts about me are......

• I am 25 years old, I was born February 23rd 2001 making me a Pisces  ♓︎
• Favorite colors are Pink and Lavander
• I am a Mechanic, I love working on cars and I love all things mechanical repair! 
• When I'm not working on cars I like to bake, watercolor paint and express myself through makeup and fashion
• I love to watch Reality TV, the more trashy the better
• Favorite Sanrio Character is Usahana

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• Favorite Animal? Shark ࣪ ﹏﹏𓂁﹏⊹ ࣪ ˖
• I thrift all my clothes and could spend hours playing dress up. Clothes/Fashion is what makes me, feel like me
• Favorite Type of Music is Pop, Emo, Latin Rock, Pop Punk/Punk and Rap.
• I love to read Tarot Cards
• Me and My Boyfriend Arturo have a grey cat named Chuy

hating pop music doesn't make you deep

and im sorry you don't know how to have fun!!!

look i can enjoy the deep cuts. the niche, underground arist with less than 1,000 listens on spotify. the unreleased vault tracks that keep getting deleted off platforms from a band that broke up before I was born. I know ball. However I think many people reject pop music because they implicitly want to convey that they have "better" and more "superior" music taste. a music taste that says "I am an individual/free thinker", and that "I stand out from the crowd". some cogito ergo sum bullshit and while calling everyone who enjoys a top 40 hit a lamb to the slaughter. They can't take the art seriously because they simply take themselves too seriously.

pop music can contain SO much depth, emotion, talent and passion. which you can only realize when you engage with the art piece and let go of your preconceived notions. its so much more than the "typical type". Addison Rae is my absolute favorite pop girl right now. I'm so sad I couldn't see her in concert. Her music and style is so inspirational. As silly as it sounds coming from what others deem the "unlikely source" I have found more love and understanding for myself from her music. I can't tell you the amount of power a young women in this world can harness from listening to "Fame is a Gun". She is the spritual predecessor to Britney Spears. Britney Spears is like the patron saint of young women in this world looking to control their own destiny. She is the ultimate, the blueprint. Her cover of "My Preogative" was genuinely life changing, and came into my life at the most perfect window of time. I absolutely love her intro to the song where she says "People can take everything away from you But they can never take away your truth. But the question is...... Can you handle mine?"

the girls that get it, get it

My Current Top/Most Played Addison Songs: (in order)

Fame is a Gun

it could've been you

Money is Everything

Times Like These

is anybody out there?

    I've been trying to make a constant effort to bring my camcorder everywhere with me.

I love taking videos and doing silly bits with my friends. I also like looking back at

the footage and seeing what things made me laugh or things I thought were interesting

enough to point the camera at. Even if its silly or not terribly exciting, its my life and

I think it deserves to be archived. My life has changed so much in recent years. I have

made attempts to keep a diary every now and then but have often found myself too

busy for it. Everyday feels so fast paced and that everything is changing constantly

and like no matter what I do I can't catch up. I've created this blog in an attempt to

slow down, archive and remember. I plan to do updates, vlogs from my camcorder,

and reports on the things I love the most. This will be my corner to do whatever I want with :)

me and my camcorder against the world 🌎