Diary Entry˚⟡˖ "Still Figuring It Out"

     I've never really paused my life for anyone or anything. When I think about it I'm not sure that's a good thing. These past two weeks I've been forced to slow down. Which has been very nice, i've taken better care of myself and my body. I'm not invincible or so I learned. I love my life and the things i've built because i've done them on my own. Everything is mine to hold. However I can't pin point where I stopped doing certain things. Perhaps its my enviroment, sign of the times or how life is suppose to be once you get older. There was a time period where I did whatever, whenever purely for the sake of it. Now I'm not going to idealize that time in my life as I was impulsive, emotionally volatile, and craving for something to give me structure. I chose whatever option on the table caused me the most stress and chaos. I now have things I want to do, see and experience. I think i've always known side quest have been important to me. However in these moments they carry a greater weight than something silly. These two weeks off the main quest (main quest being becoming the best techincian I can be, learning about automotive repair and saving for a home one day) has been anxiety filling and also eye opening. Don't get me wrong I love working and my job, I think more than others honestly. Sometimes it feels like I am the only one with a semi positive attitude and general optimism. I also think its funny that I was told "that will go away with time" and it still hasn't. I think that's just my personality which is fun to learn. However I've been resting and small time side questing. Free will is amazing and I gotta use it more often. I'm so beyond excited to get back into the shop I miss everyone. I miss it no matter how mad or pissed off I get at like the regular "man fuck this job" situations. With this new found excitement and priority for the side quest I plan to give my life more balance. As worth it and as much as I know the main quest calls me I think I have the rest of my life to figure it out. Time is on my side.